19Apr08 - Room to Breath

It is about 6 weeks since we began to realise the benefits of receiving direct payments. We have been really lucky to find Helen who we can completely trust to look after Lucy and although the direct payments only provide 5 hours care per week, it is making a huge difference. We know now that we are regularly going to get time to do our own thing and to have a break from the usual routine. I think it is already having an affect on our attitudes and outlook as we are being allowed to relax. It is good that we can be flexible in the way we use the hours and we have Helen to thank for that. Some weeks Helen has done two evenings to cover bath and supper and other times we have used all the hours at once so that we can get out and spend time alone with Joshua.

On Saturday Helen took Lucy out for the whole afternoon which gave us the opportunity to have a day out with Joshua. Joshua found a place nearby on the internet called Diggerland (www.diggerland.com). As the name suggests it's theme is diggers and construction equipment, a real boy place.Joshua had the time of his life and really got his moneys worth. We would simply not have been able to do this in the same way if it was not for our direct payments and Helen. In the past everything would have been arranged around Lucy's timetable of feeding and Joshua would have had to accept that we would be stopping at regular intervals to sort her out.As it is now we have the time to give him our full attention and let him know that he is still very important. We have probably lost sight of that recently and have allowed ourselves to think that he copes very well and in reality this is not always the case. I asked Joshua to write a little bit about his day on Saturday and this is what he wrote:

"This morning we were looking for something to do when Helen/Mary took Lucy to Leeds. So I had a look on my computer for something to do, and I found a place called Diggerland, in Castleford. Helen arrived and we set off. Once we had arrived we took off around Diggerland. Even though it didn’t look much at first we ended up having a great time at Diggerland. It was really nice to have some quality time with my parents as I don’t usually have time with my mum and dad when Lucy is around, I sometimes feel as though I’m fading into the background and Lucy is standing out more, because I usually have to go and do my own thing whilst Lucy gets all the attention."

I asked him to be honest and I am glad he was. It is a constant balancing act and so difficult at times to get right. Joshua rarely shows his feelings but we know that he is a thinker. He carries a lot around in that young head of his and he shouldn't have to. I am just so pleased and relieved that we have the opportunity to concentrate on him more so that he doesn't feel excluded or sidelined because of Lucy.This is face that we need to ensure doesn't change.