19Jan08 - Looking Back 04 & 05

I have posted a link in the sidebar to a second video slideshow which covers from the time Lucy came home in July 2004 to the end of 2005.
You can also watch it by clicking here "Lucy May - The First 18 Months". Looking back it is hard remembering exactly how difficult life was during this time. There were so many changes and so many difficult situations that we had to get used to. In a lot of ways it was the most forgettable time of my life. The shock of Lucy's arrival and the aftermath of hospitalisation took a long time to come to terms with. Even harder was coming home and trying to establish some kind of normality in all our lives. I lost all sense of future and could only look forward as far as the next day because I just did not know what to expect or what to hope for. There were so many unanswerable questions; what was Lucy going to be like when she gets older; just how severe will her disabilities be; will she ever respond in any way; will she see; how long will she live; will she be able to eat normally; etc, etc. We are a little wiser now and I am glad we are passed all of that. Of course all is still not certain but we are now better equipped for the life we have been given. The funny thing is that when I was choosing the photos and putting the slide show together I had a completely different memory of that time with Lucy which took me by surprise. I was expecting it to be quite emotional and for it to conjure up all sorts of negative thoughts. As I began to play it back, I started to realise that it was not all doom and gloom, there is actually a lot of good to look back on. The main thing that hit me was just how much Lucy developed and grew. Just looking at how long her hair is at the end of the video says it all. The video also reminded me that there were happy memories that have been hidden by my own negativity. The first time I watched the whole video from start to finish I will admit that my eyes were a little wet but not because it made me sad, it made me proud to see my little girl grow up and happy that I could watch and enjoy remembering, that although it was unpleasant at times there were also a lot of good times too. I asked my Mother to watch the video and give me her opinion. She said that the yes she did cry and it was emotional but in an uplifting way and that is exactly how I feel about it. Every time I watch it now it gives me a lovely warm feeling. It is easy to concentrate on all the negatives and also easy to forget the good, but it is the good memories that I want to keep like this photo of Lucy which is one of my favorites.